I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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