what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
