there's paper in my vomit.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
