? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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