Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
