Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
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