We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
