i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
