She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
it hurts more in the daytime
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
