I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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