OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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