Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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