He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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