I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
