Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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