you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
