just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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