so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
