so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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