My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
