either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
this hospital has no fireball
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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