i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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