I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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