Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
