you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
