when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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