put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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