why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
