I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
