my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
