i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Oh god it's open bar.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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