Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
