we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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