I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
