did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize