Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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