O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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