I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
