Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
