So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
