Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
