I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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