Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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