We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
