Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
