Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
