1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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