don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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