the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize