I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
