They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
