i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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