the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
