I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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