I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
