She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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