i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
