so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
