Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
