I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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