I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
