If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just found a bag of teeth...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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