i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
