I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
