Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
