why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
