I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
