just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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