A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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