so explain again why im purple
no
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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