would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
