Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
