There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
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