i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
