I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
