Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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