i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
