You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
