I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
